Pure and white as snow

I love snow. I think it's one of the most beautiful thing God created. Last week, it snowed over night, and when I woke up the next morning, everything was completely covered in snow! So clean, pretty and perfect! Then I thought, "this is how God sees us, pure and white as snow, thanks to Jesus Christ!" Once again, I was thankful to be in cold, windy Chicago... to be reminded of the Gospel once again.

School's keeping me busy as usual. I'm still in library a lot (maybe a little too much) to keep up with the material. Last thanksgiving break totally threw me off, so catching up took a while. I'm excited to go back home in a week (yay!) but I'm scared that I might get behind again...

Anyways, I have something to really thank God for - my friend Alisa (I hope she doesn't mind her name being mentioned here... if she does... too bad, lol) Just an hour ago, we got together, shared our prayer requests, and prayed for one other, and for people in ICO. I'm really thankful that I got closer to her recently because she's so awesome. She loves God, and she has a beautiful voice that always praises the Lord. It's really encouraging to know that she understands how much God means to me, and that she's willing to spend time to pray for me. We both agreed that being a Christian at ICO could be difficult and makes us feel alone. I hope and pray that we make a habit of getting together to pray, because there are so much to pray for!!!

Before I go back to Chi-town...

My flight is at 7pm, so that gives me about an hour to write this blog, get ready, and leave for LAX.
I'm writing this because I realize that yesterday's post had no meat in it. I literally babbled. So here I go again -

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone that met up w/ me and said hi to me. It was really great to see each one of your faces and hear all the good things that are happening in your lives. I'm very thankful that God led me to each one of you, to be your friend. I look forward to coming back to Cali to see your faces again :)

I'm very thankful for my family. Next to God, they are my foundation, my source of strength and happiness. They allow me have a glimps of how wonderful and lovely the heavenly family will be.

I'm very thankful that I am Korean, and that I could enjoy oh-so-wonderfully delicious Korean food in Los Angeles. I pigged out everyday and I have no regrets :)
I just gotta work out a little harder when I go back to school.

I'm thankful for my dog, Ronnie. He's a troublemaker (he barks too much. but I forgive because I know he's lonely) but I love him dearly. He's too darn cute, especially when he sleeps on my laps.

Most importantly, I'm thankful for the Gospel. I know I'm undeserving, thats why it is so much sweeter. The Gospel promises that being a God's child is infinitely greater than being a world's child. That's why I'm not afraid to be a foreigner to this world. That's why I'm trying to live each day to its fullest.

Once again I look upon the cross that you died. I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside. Once again I thank you. One again I pour out my life

Gobble Gobble, Babble Babble

I'm so thankful that I get to spend the Thanksgiving Day with my family in warm California. There's no guarantee that I'd be back next year, or the year after, so I'm doing my best to spend as much quality time with my family as possible. I'm looking around, my parents are cooking delicious Korean food (we're having Krn BBQ instead of turkey) and my brother and I are watching NFL football. There are 3 NFL games today, but our TV broke months ago... and my dad is not even thinking of replacing it. So we're stuck w/ bad quality streaming on a desktop. However, I don't complain. It's much better to be home than in cold, windy Chicago.


Chargers are playing against Colts on Sunday night. My brother is confident that Colts would crush the Chargers... I think he's just bitter because he traded Phillip Rivers from his fantasy football team, and he's doing exceptionally well. Hah! My brother made a terrible decision, and it seems like he keep making wrong predictions. We bet $20 so the Bolts better win.

Thank you

Just as the sun rises every morning, You are faithful/

Looking back on fall quarter...

My struggles have been (and will continue to be) balancing studying for school and keeping up with my spiritual walk. Spending so much time at church each Sunday made me anxious because I had 3 exams every week. However, God gave me strength to persevere and do both last quarter. My grades are out, and I am very happy with the result. It's a reassurance that I must have done something right. I'm thankful that I was able to do well in school without sacrificing worship...what God ultimately called me to do. It's crazy because I know that I couldn't have done that without His help. So I look forward to winter quarter (which will start tomorrow). I'm excited to move forward in my education, but all the more, I can't wait to see how much more God will challenge me and grow me. Each day is an adventure, and God is teaching me to depend on Him more and be filled with thankful heart.

God, Aba Father,
Thank you for bringing me to Chicago
Thank you for new friendships
Thank you for ICO... for giving me ability to serve your people
Thank you for Hebron Presbyterian Church - Nazareth
Thank you for answering my prayers
Thank you for keeping me in Your arms, even though I try to run away so many times
Thank you for the cross

I want to love you more and more...

His Calling

God's been burdening my heart for quite a while to think about my future. I continue to imagine my future, and try hard to fully grasp where I'm going. Honestly, I'm struggle right now... not because I'm failing school. Actually my grades are all excellent so far. However, I'm tired of studying constantly... and I'm losing my vision. I'm getting lost in all the exams and piles of responsibilities that the school's throwing at me. I'm getting antsy because finals are coming up (this Saturday.

Anyways... my dream. my goal. What is my goal for future? When I was younger, I had more tangible, easier goals, like getting into certain university and graduate school. Now that I'm here in ICO, my future as an O.D. is guaranteed. So I'm thinking, "what's next God? What should my goal be after I graduate?" I'm realizing more and more, through prayer, that His answer is and has been always simple. "work for My Kingdom and My glory"

ICO highly encourages students to get into private practices because that's 1. the fastest way to pay off debt and earn a lot of money; and 2.the best way O.D's reputations go up as primary health provider. I know that's a goal for almost all of my classmates/colleagues... I thought I would be one of them too, but for some odd reason, I'm getting more determined to do something other than private practice. I decided to become an optometrist, not for my personal gain. I don't need to be crazy rich and I don't need to have fame and reputation from the world. I just simply want to worship God through my work. So again, I'm thinking, what should I do with the education I'm receiving so I could be used by Him most efficiently?

God may change my mind in future, but for now, I want to go on doing residency after I graduate ICO. There are few reasons.. 1. I want to obey His calling to be a student, and excel in my studies (mind as well right?) - and good GPA is required to advance to residency (i think). 2. I want to specialize so I don't become just a general O.D. You see general O.Ds everywhere, but not that many specialists are out there. 3. For some reason, I think being a specialist would give me more opportunities to help out the poor and diseased... those that are weak and don't get proper care from the society. I could work at a research center, a VA hospital, etc etc (my knowledge in this field is limited). I may earn less money than other private ODs, but I think it'd be more fulfilling. More than anything, I'd be more thankful that I could do God's work in a very specific way. I want to become a humble doctor, be more like Jesus, so that ultimately God would be glorified through my service. That'd be an awesome life to live, don't you think?

PS. Please don't get me wrong that I think negatively about private practices. I know many Christian optometrists and other doctors out there who run their own practice. I just don't think I'm called to do that...

Update2

Hello everyone who reads my blog. It's been a while, huh? I've been so busy with school, there was really no time to think & reflect. I'm getting used to having 3-4 tests every week (because I'm forced to). Library is my second home in Chicago. A lot times, I only get fresh air when I cross the street to get to school or go back to my dorm (5 seconds x 2 = 10 seconds per 24 hrs?!!) There's really no time to explore the city except for few hours on weekends (and sometimes, even that's a luxury). I admit school's pretty tough and it's completely consuming my life. BUT! I don't complain because I'm thankful to be here.

I had a random conversation with one of my friends (colleagues?!). I shared with him that I love studying biology because it points me to God. A lot of scientists out there believe in evolution and "big bang" theory... and they think that the Bible and science contradict each other. Personally, I don't believe in evolution, and I don't know enough about it to argue. Maybe it did happen to certain degrees, maybe it didn't. There's no way of knowing exactly how the earth formed and all that because I wasn't there...right? However, the more I learn about all the little details of the human body, and the nature itself, the more I'm amazed at the perfection and the beauty of them! An organ, a tissue, a cell, a protein, an atom, everything in the universe is organized in a perfect way, that if one tiny detail is off, everything gets messed up. There's no way everything happened by chance. For example, whenever I study for anatomy (the hardest class this quarter), I ask God "why did you have to make a human skull so complicated? Why so many holes? Why does this neuron have to take this specific pathway?" But there's a reason behind all that and I really doubt a human skull came together as it is by accident! (...that was a very nerdy example...anyway) All the detailed information that I learn in class confirms over and over again that God is the perfect, mighty Creator. I'm so thankful that He opened my eyes to realize that and be more drawn to Him through my education here in ICO. That keeps me moving forward, despite all the stress and hectic schedule I'm dealing with.

Update

Sorry I haven't uploaded this blog for a while. To be honest, I've been so busy with school, I totally forgot about it. My roommate and I keep saying, "I knew grad school's going to be hard. But I didn't expect to be THIS hard!" It's not that materials are too difficult to understand (for now)because some of the stuff we're learning are review for me (thanks, UCSD). It's the workload that gets us (and will possibly kill us). We have total of 27 exams (lecture+lab) this quarter. I just finished the first one this morning... so 26 more to go! On top of that, there are homeworks, case studies/research and paper.

My typical day goes like this:
wake up ~9:30
email/fb/study/hw
lunch 1-2
class 2-6
dinner 6-7
study 7-10
workout 10-11
study 11-2
sleep ~2

On Wednesday, I have 4 hrs of lab in the morning (9-1pm)


(this is my schedule for September. Red is exam, black is HW/case study, and green is etc)

Because of my hectic schedule, I haven't really had much time to explore the city. However, my classmates and I always find ways to get away from the campus/dorm on weekends... (Seriously, I've never enjoyed weekends as much as I do here)


(ICOlympics. It's like one of the major events of the school. 1st, 2nd and 3rd years compete with each other in some legit and some stupid games. I participated in hoola hoop contest and lost... haha)


(Chinatown, which is one train stop away from ICO. Chicagoans call boba "tapioca freeze". It's kinda weird.)

I visited Onnuri Church last Sunday because they have a downtown chapter. However, the service was in Korean and everyone seemed to be international students. I'm good with Korean but I don't know many Korean "christian vocabs". I'm going back this weekend for 2nd service (which is at 5pm :( ) because the head pastor will speak. Plus, 2nd service has older crowd compared to 1st service (undergrad students). We'll see how it goes...

Before "hell" begins...

Past few days have been crazy. My class went out to a bar/club every single night since we moved in (Wednesday). I've never "partied" like that for 4 days in a row ("" added because I didn't drink). Our class is so social, I love it!

Today was a "Explore Chicago" day. Our class went on a Shoreline Architectural Tour along the Chicago River. Sun was scorching down on me, but I loved every minute of that tour. I love looking at Chicago buildings because they are so diverse in design, from old(?) style to modern and post-modern designs. I really think Chicago is one of the most beautiful cities in the States. It has a good combination of nature and modern architectures.



I thank God for helping me adjust smoothly to the new chapter of my life. I especially thank Him for my roommate, Christine. We get along pretty well because we have really similar values and morals. Also, I'm thankful for new friends I'm making. Of course I miss my friends back home, but my colleagues here are becoming very special to me. We're all in this together, willing to help one another to succeed and become good optometrists.



I didn't go to church today... so a search for the Godly church will start next week.

New Beginning

Hello from Chicago, Illinois!!!
I still can't believe I'm over 2000 miles away from home. I thought moving to San Diego for undergrad was huge. It's still so surreal that I'm here.
The move-in process was so hectic. My flight left LA at 8:15am and arrived in Chicago at 2:15pm (Central Time). However, the shuttle didn't pick me up until 3:40pm. There was a heavy traffic on the way to ICO so I arrived at 5:20. The shuttle's AC broke down so I got to have full exposure to hot, humid summer weather for over an hour. My parents warned me about Chicago weather, but humidity still shocked me. I finally appreciate CA's dry weather!



The hardest thing was saying good-bye to my family. I'm kind of glad that my mom didn't come to the airport because I would've cried for sure. I teared up when I said bye to my family and when my flight departed. I hate crying in front of people so I tried my best to hold it in. I envy those who live close by. It's hard that I have no option of going home unless I buy tickets way ahead of time (and spend so much money!). However, my parents are visiting me in September for the White Coat Ceremony so I'm really looking forward to that. (I'm glad I'm single. I have one less person to miss. Ha!)

Other than missing my family/friends and hating the humid, hot weather, I'm thoroughly enjoying my experience at ICO. Even though It's been only 24 hrs since I moved in, I already feel at home. There are only 5 or 6 students from California; everyone else is from..literally everywhere. I like that no one knows each other from before, so we're all happy to get to know anyone. It's hard memorizing ~170 names...It'll take me over a month. ICO is doing a good job keeping us together. They took us to a bar last night (forgot what it's called) to give us extra bonding time!

In fact, they're taking us out to a pub in an hour.

Orientation will take place all day tomorrow and Saturday. I didn't know there's a business-casual dress-code for it! All my non-casual clothes and shoes are in boxes at home! I had to buy cheap skirt and flats from Target. *whew*


the view from my window

Downtown Chicago is only 20 minutes bus-ride away from Chicago. I can see the skyscrapers from ICO. Chicago's such a beautiful city, I can't wait to explore it more and utilize public transportation here!

Even though my schedule's crazy, I'll try to update this blog often. If you have anything you want to send, here's my address

BoRam Lee
3241 S. Michigan Ave
ICO Box 558
Chicago, IL 60616

Please pray for me that I'd find a good solid church here. I need a community to help me stay focused and grow spiritually in the midst of all the studying.

There's right time for everything

1) I went to one of my friends' house and met her mom for the first time. The first thing she said after "hi" was ... "You girls need to stop hanging out with each other. Go out and meet some GUYS!"
I responded nicely, "Not interested :) "

2) My high school friend's younger (yes, younger) sister is getting married this Saturday. I will be there to watch her walk down the aisle. She's born in 1990. She's only one year older than Phillip.
Beside her, I know so many young married couples (1 younger, 3 one year older) who got married within past 2 years...

3) My mom emphasizes that the peak time of woman (24-26) is fast approaching for me. She's banking on Chicago that I might (may) find someone there.
Mom confessed to me that she's jealous of her friend because her friend's daughter is in good relationship with a good guy... and her friend always talk about her daughter.

I don't know if it is Korean culture or just people around me (wait, they are Korean), but there's already so much pressure on me to find boyfriend. People that I meet for the first time ask me about my (non-existant) dating relationships. It seems like people evaluate your worth according to your dating status. Why is that? Does "going out (of your way) to meet new people" really worth your time? By the way, I don't really understand what people mean by "going out". Bars? Clubs? Where else in the world do you go out to meet guys other than through your mutual friends? And from my and others' experiences, those places do not result in good relatioships, or even friendships. So whenever someone tells me to go out, I ask them to give me specific examples. Then 99% of times, they say "...you know........" Hmm, sorry, I don't.

I believe there's right time for everything. Right now, I enjoy my singlehood. I do not want namja chingoo. That means I am not ready for a relationship. I get sad whenever my girlfriends, especially believers, express their desperation to be in relationship. God knows what He's doing. There must be a good reason why He's keeping you single right now.

My prayer is that I would really know and enojoy God before anything. I want to be fully content in Him so that His love in me could overflow to others. I pray that my next relationship would be the lasting one, the triangular one (me, him & God). Y'all know what I mean????? That's worth waiting for :)




Change of subject:

Summer is here. Sun's scorching down and I get sweaty. Oh summer is my least favorite season. Yes California beach is awesome but that's pretty much it. I don't like summer...
My family washes Ronnie (maltese) once a week, because he's 100% white, and we can totally tell when he gets little bit dirty. HOWEVER, there's no point of washing him these days. There's no shade in our backyard, so he digs into dirt to avoid heat. He gets brown and freakin dirty/smelly in one day. I can't hug him because of that :(

decisions... decisions...

Right now, I'm holding onto an envelope I'm about to send to Southern California College of Optometry. In that envelope is the notification that I'm declining the acceptance to SCCO. All I have to do is put that envelope into a mailbox. *sigh* It's such a hard decision to make, and I'm hesitating to the last moment.

I'm freakin scared but excited at the same time to commit 100% to Illinois College of Opt (ICO). I can't see the future, so I have to rely on my guts. Actually, sometimes I don't trust my guts... *lost in thoughts*

I was so sure I was going to ICO, but *bam* SCCO sent me a letter of acceptance 2 Fridays ago. They gave me 14 days to decide. I was thinking, why the heck did they decide to accept me now? It'd have been a lot easier if they either just accepted me or rejected me, instead of putting me on a waiting list. But then, if I were accepted to SCCO right away, I wouldn't have gone outside of Cali, period. Honestly, I liked ICO better than SCCO. I felt stronger connection to that school, and I absolutely LOVED the windy city. However, I'm so scared to leave my comfort zone. I have all of my family and friends here (I don't care about the weather). On top of that, I keep thinking, "what if I can't come back? what if I can't get a job in Cali?" That thought continues to haunt me...

Truthfully, I have no chance of going to SCCO even if I wanted to. I didn't complete all of their pre-reqs. Guess what I'm missing - physiology lab. Just one stankin class! UCSD screwed me over. UCSD, unlike other "normal" universities, do not offer biology lecture w/ lab together. Lecture and Lab are considered two different classes, 4 units each. They cannot be taken concurrently. Therefore, I took a physiology LECTURE in SD, but not the Lab. Why? Physio lab was considered the "hardest" bio class offered in SD, so I did not want to sacrifice my GPA. Also, I completed my major requirements by taking 3 other labs. I had no time, nor desire to take physio lab.... Then, I didn't get accepted to SCCO immediately, so I didn't see the need to take physio in JC. However, I got the letter of acceptance 2 weeks ago so I've been looking for physio in JCs, but they don't offer any. I found one school, but my appointment time for class registration is too late to get into that class.

My parents told me two nights ago that I should just reject SCCO and go to Chicago. It's true. I should, and I will... but I'm scared to make that FINAL decision (sending a letter to SCCO). *breathing in & out* OMG, I'm really gonna leave!

I pray to God & keep asking if this is what He wants for me. I know He will be with me wherever I go... but I'm still scared. That's normal, right?????

Praise the LORD!

I love singing praises because it's the easiest yet the most powerful way to worship God. Being a part of CPC worship team has been the very testimony of God's faithfulness in my life. When I graduated from UCSD less than a year ago, I had a very difficult time transitioning back to CPC. Going from an active member of Harbor & CCM to a mere Sunday church-goer was such a drastic change that it tormented me. I felt lost for good 3-4 months. To make the situation worse, I couldn't get rid of this awkward "yeah I kinda belong but I kinda don't" feelings. God was teaching me during those times that I cannot run the spiritual race by myself. Every night, I prayed to God to use me, somehow, for His church so I could grow.

I am very thankful that God opened a door for me to serve Him by joining a praise team. It's challenging for sure, especially knowing that I'm not the most gifted singer out there. My vocal range is limited and sometimes (maybe often?) my pitch is everywhere. (btw, every time DHa gives me a solo part, I sweat bullets and I get so nervous!! hehe) However, I love singing praise songs. I remind myself over and over again that it's about God, not about pleasing someone else, including myself. Yes, musicality is important - more unnecessary attention drawn to me means less attention is given to God - but I've been learning to pay more attention to the lyrics than to simply sounding good. Being on a praise team helps (and forces) me to keep my spiritual walk in check. More that that, I can confidently testify that serving has given me a sense of ownership of CPC. Because I felt so lost before, I can really understand the joy and blessings that only His church could provide. My love for CPC definitely has grown. Even though I will leave for school in 4 months, I won't stop serving as much as possible til then! Praise to God that He answers prayers!

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-2