Right now, I'm holding onto an envelope I'm about to send to Southern California College of Optometry. In that envelope is the notification that I'm declining the acceptance to SCCO. All I have to do is put that envelope into a mailbox. *sigh* It's such a hard decision to make, and I'm hesitating to the last moment.
I'm freakin scared but excited at the same time to commit 100% to Illinois College of Opt (ICO). I can't see the future, so I have to rely on my guts. Actually, sometimes I don't trust my guts... *lost in thoughts*
I was so sure I was going to ICO, but *bam* SCCO sent me a letter of acceptance 2 Fridays ago. They gave me 14 days to decide. I was thinking, why the heck did they decide to accept me now? It'd have been a lot easier if they either just accepted me or rejected me, instead of putting me on a waiting list. But then, if I were accepted to SCCO right away, I wouldn't have gone outside of Cali, period. Honestly, I liked ICO better than SCCO. I felt stronger connection to that school, and I absolutely LOVED the windy city. However, I'm so scared to leave my comfort zone. I have all of my family and friends here (I don't care about the weather). On top of that, I keep thinking, "what if I can't come back? what if I can't get a job in Cali?" That thought continues to haunt me...
Truthfully, I have no chance of going to SCCO even if I wanted to. I didn't complete all of their pre-reqs. Guess what I'm missing - physiology lab. Just one stankin class! UCSD screwed me over. UCSD, unlike other "normal" universities, do not offer biology lecture w/ lab together. Lecture and Lab are considered two different classes, 4 units each. They cannot be taken concurrently. Therefore, I took a physiology LECTURE in SD, but not the Lab. Why? Physio lab was considered the "hardest" bio class offered in SD, so I did not want to sacrifice my GPA. Also, I completed my major requirements by taking 3 other labs. I had no time, nor desire to take physio lab.... Then, I didn't get accepted to SCCO immediately, so I didn't see the need to take physio in JC. However, I got the letter of acceptance 2 weeks ago so I've been looking for physio in JCs, but they don't offer any. I found one school, but my appointment time for class registration is too late to get into that class.
My parents told me two nights ago that I should just reject SCCO and go to Chicago. It's true. I should, and I will... but I'm scared to make that FINAL decision (sending a letter to SCCO). *breathing in & out* OMG, I'm really gonna leave!
I pray to God & keep asking if this is what He wants for me. I know He will be with me wherever I go... but I'm still scared. That's normal, right?????
