His Calling

God's been burdening my heart for quite a while to think about my future. I continue to imagine my future, and try hard to fully grasp where I'm going. Honestly, I'm struggle right now... not because I'm failing school. Actually my grades are all excellent so far. However, I'm tired of studying constantly... and I'm losing my vision. I'm getting lost in all the exams and piles of responsibilities that the school's throwing at me. I'm getting antsy because finals are coming up (this Saturday.

Anyways... my dream. my goal. What is my goal for future? When I was younger, I had more tangible, easier goals, like getting into certain university and graduate school. Now that I'm here in ICO, my future as an O.D. is guaranteed. So I'm thinking, "what's next God? What should my goal be after I graduate?" I'm realizing more and more, through prayer, that His answer is and has been always simple. "work for My Kingdom and My glory"

ICO highly encourages students to get into private practices because that's 1. the fastest way to pay off debt and earn a lot of money; and 2.the best way O.D's reputations go up as primary health provider. I know that's a goal for almost all of my classmates/colleagues... I thought I would be one of them too, but for some odd reason, I'm getting more determined to do something other than private practice. I decided to become an optometrist, not for my personal gain. I don't need to be crazy rich and I don't need to have fame and reputation from the world. I just simply want to worship God through my work. So again, I'm thinking, what should I do with the education I'm receiving so I could be used by Him most efficiently?

God may change my mind in future, but for now, I want to go on doing residency after I graduate ICO. There are few reasons.. 1. I want to obey His calling to be a student, and excel in my studies (mind as well right?) - and good GPA is required to advance to residency (i think). 2. I want to specialize so I don't become just a general O.D. You see general O.Ds everywhere, but not that many specialists are out there. 3. For some reason, I think being a specialist would give me more opportunities to help out the poor and diseased... those that are weak and don't get proper care from the society. I could work at a research center, a VA hospital, etc etc (my knowledge in this field is limited). I may earn less money than other private ODs, but I think it'd be more fulfilling. More than anything, I'd be more thankful that I could do God's work in a very specific way. I want to become a humble doctor, be more like Jesus, so that ultimately God would be glorified through my service. That'd be an awesome life to live, don't you think?

PS. Please don't get me wrong that I think negatively about private practices. I know many Christian optometrists and other doctors out there who run their own practice. I just don't think I'm called to do that...

Update2

Hello everyone who reads my blog. It's been a while, huh? I've been so busy with school, there was really no time to think & reflect. I'm getting used to having 3-4 tests every week (because I'm forced to). Library is my second home in Chicago. A lot times, I only get fresh air when I cross the street to get to school or go back to my dorm (5 seconds x 2 = 10 seconds per 24 hrs?!!) There's really no time to explore the city except for few hours on weekends (and sometimes, even that's a luxury). I admit school's pretty tough and it's completely consuming my life. BUT! I don't complain because I'm thankful to be here.

I had a random conversation with one of my friends (colleagues?!). I shared with him that I love studying biology because it points me to God. A lot of scientists out there believe in evolution and "big bang" theory... and they think that the Bible and science contradict each other. Personally, I don't believe in evolution, and I don't know enough about it to argue. Maybe it did happen to certain degrees, maybe it didn't. There's no way of knowing exactly how the earth formed and all that because I wasn't there...right? However, the more I learn about all the little details of the human body, and the nature itself, the more I'm amazed at the perfection and the beauty of them! An organ, a tissue, a cell, a protein, an atom, everything in the universe is organized in a perfect way, that if one tiny detail is off, everything gets messed up. There's no way everything happened by chance. For example, whenever I study for anatomy (the hardest class this quarter), I ask God "why did you have to make a human skull so complicated? Why so many holes? Why does this neuron have to take this specific pathway?" But there's a reason behind all that and I really doubt a human skull came together as it is by accident! (...that was a very nerdy example...anyway) All the detailed information that I learn in class confirms over and over again that God is the perfect, mighty Creator. I'm so thankful that He opened my eyes to realize that and be more drawn to Him through my education here in ICO. That keeps me moving forward, despite all the stress and hectic schedule I'm dealing with.