I haven't update this blog for a while. Yeah I've been busy, but honestly, there was nothing to update about. Each day is a blur because I pretty much do the same thing over and over again. I go to class/labs, study and then sleep. I haven't been going to a gym either so I feel pretty gross. Oh how wonderful is a life of a grad student!
Last Friday, my friend and I got together and shared about our struggles. I told her it's getting harder and harder to live as a Christian here. I feel like I'm walking a long road by myself. I've experienced spiritual lows before, but this one seems to be the most dangerous one so far. I've never felt so isolated before, and I don't know how to deal with this change. Last week at church, my small group leader asked me if I wanted to serve. My answer was "I'd love to, but I can't." It's really frustrating and heartbreaking to have a desire to serve but have no means to do so. School's keeping me way too busy and I don't have a car (Hebron is 30-40 min away from ICO). Most of my friends here are non-Christians. What am I suppose to do? If I forget to do QT, who's out there to remind me and keep me accountable? I ask myself if I've been depending on others too much for my spiritual growth...and if I judged my relationship w/ God based on my act of service. I feel like my limbs are cut off so I'm just sitting here helplessly. Oh it's very hard to pray these days... sometimes I feel like I totally forgot how to. If you're reading this, please pray for me that I'd persevere and keep trying. I feel weak and hopeless, but I don't want to ignore this issue anymore. God is constant and faithful. I may walk away from Him but He will never let me go... so I'm taking it step by step...
Anyways, school's getting more fun (and painful at the same time). Workload is insane but things that I'm learning are more relevant to what I'll be doing in future. It's really exciting that I've learned so much in such a short period of time. For example, I met up with my biochem group yesterday to work on a case history. In fall quarter (and even few weeks ago), I had to search what each test result meant. But yesterday I realize I don't have to spend time trying to figure them out anymore! Just by looking at a patient's record, I could diagnose them pretty accurately. I'm sure it's not a big deal to some of my classmates, but I was truly amazed and thankful. It's exciting to imagine how much knowledge I'll have in few years.
Another good news... I'm getting pretty good at direct (except judging the C/D ratio). I can find the optic nerve pretty quickly and I figured out how to find a foveal reflex too. I know direct is not used much in real practice... but still, I'm very proud of myself :)
