There's right time for everything

1) I went to one of my friends' house and met her mom for the first time. The first thing she said after "hi" was ... "You girls need to stop hanging out with each other. Go out and meet some GUYS!"
I responded nicely, "Not interested :) "

2) My high school friend's younger (yes, younger) sister is getting married this Saturday. I will be there to watch her walk down the aisle. She's born in 1990. She's only one year older than Phillip.
Beside her, I know so many young married couples (1 younger, 3 one year older) who got married within past 2 years...

3) My mom emphasizes that the peak time of woman (24-26) is fast approaching for me. She's banking on Chicago that I might (may) find someone there.
Mom confessed to me that she's jealous of her friend because her friend's daughter is in good relationship with a good guy... and her friend always talk about her daughter.

I don't know if it is Korean culture or just people around me (wait, they are Korean), but there's already so much pressure on me to find boyfriend. People that I meet for the first time ask me about my (non-existant) dating relationships. It seems like people evaluate your worth according to your dating status. Why is that? Does "going out (of your way) to meet new people" really worth your time? By the way, I don't really understand what people mean by "going out". Bars? Clubs? Where else in the world do you go out to meet guys other than through your mutual friends? And from my and others' experiences, those places do not result in good relatioships, or even friendships. So whenever someone tells me to go out, I ask them to give me specific examples. Then 99% of times, they say "...you know........" Hmm, sorry, I don't.

I believe there's right time for everything. Right now, I enjoy my singlehood. I do not want namja chingoo. That means I am not ready for a relationship. I get sad whenever my girlfriends, especially believers, express their desperation to be in relationship. God knows what He's doing. There must be a good reason why He's keeping you single right now.

My prayer is that I would really know and enojoy God before anything. I want to be fully content in Him so that His love in me could overflow to others. I pray that my next relationship would be the lasting one, the triangular one (me, him & God). Y'all know what I mean????? That's worth waiting for :)




Change of subject:

Summer is here. Sun's scorching down and I get sweaty. Oh summer is my least favorite season. Yes California beach is awesome but that's pretty much it. I don't like summer...
My family washes Ronnie (maltese) once a week, because he's 100% white, and we can totally tell when he gets little bit dirty. HOWEVER, there's no point of washing him these days. There's no shade in our backyard, so he digs into dirt to avoid heat. He gets brown and freakin dirty/smelly in one day. I can't hug him because of that :(

decisions... decisions...

Right now, I'm holding onto an envelope I'm about to send to Southern California College of Optometry. In that envelope is the notification that I'm declining the acceptance to SCCO. All I have to do is put that envelope into a mailbox. *sigh* It's such a hard decision to make, and I'm hesitating to the last moment.

I'm freakin scared but excited at the same time to commit 100% to Illinois College of Opt (ICO). I can't see the future, so I have to rely on my guts. Actually, sometimes I don't trust my guts... *lost in thoughts*

I was so sure I was going to ICO, but *bam* SCCO sent me a letter of acceptance 2 Fridays ago. They gave me 14 days to decide. I was thinking, why the heck did they decide to accept me now? It'd have been a lot easier if they either just accepted me or rejected me, instead of putting me on a waiting list. But then, if I were accepted to SCCO right away, I wouldn't have gone outside of Cali, period. Honestly, I liked ICO better than SCCO. I felt stronger connection to that school, and I absolutely LOVED the windy city. However, I'm so scared to leave my comfort zone. I have all of my family and friends here (I don't care about the weather). On top of that, I keep thinking, "what if I can't come back? what if I can't get a job in Cali?" That thought continues to haunt me...

Truthfully, I have no chance of going to SCCO even if I wanted to. I didn't complete all of their pre-reqs. Guess what I'm missing - physiology lab. Just one stankin class! UCSD screwed me over. UCSD, unlike other "normal" universities, do not offer biology lecture w/ lab together. Lecture and Lab are considered two different classes, 4 units each. They cannot be taken concurrently. Therefore, I took a physiology LECTURE in SD, but not the Lab. Why? Physio lab was considered the "hardest" bio class offered in SD, so I did not want to sacrifice my GPA. Also, I completed my major requirements by taking 3 other labs. I had no time, nor desire to take physio lab.... Then, I didn't get accepted to SCCO immediately, so I didn't see the need to take physio in JC. However, I got the letter of acceptance 2 weeks ago so I've been looking for physio in JCs, but they don't offer any. I found one school, but my appointment time for class registration is too late to get into that class.

My parents told me two nights ago that I should just reject SCCO and go to Chicago. It's true. I should, and I will... but I'm scared to make that FINAL decision (sending a letter to SCCO). *breathing in & out* OMG, I'm really gonna leave!

I pray to God & keep asking if this is what He wants for me. I know He will be with me wherever I go... but I'm still scared. That's normal, right?????

Praise the LORD!

I love singing praises because it's the easiest yet the most powerful way to worship God. Being a part of CPC worship team has been the very testimony of God's faithfulness in my life. When I graduated from UCSD less than a year ago, I had a very difficult time transitioning back to CPC. Going from an active member of Harbor & CCM to a mere Sunday church-goer was such a drastic change that it tormented me. I felt lost for good 3-4 months. To make the situation worse, I couldn't get rid of this awkward "yeah I kinda belong but I kinda don't" feelings. God was teaching me during those times that I cannot run the spiritual race by myself. Every night, I prayed to God to use me, somehow, for His church so I could grow.

I am very thankful that God opened a door for me to serve Him by joining a praise team. It's challenging for sure, especially knowing that I'm not the most gifted singer out there. My vocal range is limited and sometimes (maybe often?) my pitch is everywhere. (btw, every time DHa gives me a solo part, I sweat bullets and I get so nervous!! hehe) However, I love singing praise songs. I remind myself over and over again that it's about God, not about pleasing someone else, including myself. Yes, musicality is important - more unnecessary attention drawn to me means less attention is given to God - but I've been learning to pay more attention to the lyrics than to simply sounding good. Being on a praise team helps (and forces) me to keep my spiritual walk in check. More that that, I can confidently testify that serving has given me a sense of ownership of CPC. Because I felt so lost before, I can really understand the joy and blessings that only His church could provide. My love for CPC definitely has grown. Even though I will leave for school in 4 months, I won't stop serving as much as possible til then! Praise to God that He answers prayers!

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-2